A Beginner’s Guide to Wellness, part 5

book-coverIf you do not yet know, we are soon going to be publishing our awesome workbook: A Beginner’s Guide to Wellness. Be sure to check out more information and pre-order now on Etsy. We are spending a few weeks now giving you some samples of what is inside. One important piece of wellness that is often overlooked is our interactions with others. With National Coming Out Day being last week, let’s take a look at judgment and our expectations we put on others with this exert:

Commonly when we end up judging others it is because we have certain expectations on how people should or should not act or experience the world. While reducing and lowering expectations can be one way to deal with any upset that may come I think it is more important to have clear communication with others to determine what appropriate expectations are.

Expectations may change over time and being open to the same communication will help keep everyone from having more than their share of upset over the situation. It can be hard to do this with people you do not know. Not everyone is going to be able to meet your expectations of them no matter what they are. I may expect someone to arrive on time to an event but being open to the possibility that that may not happen will reduce my own upset. You do not have control over another being. Having expectations suggests that you do.

While it would be nice to have all of our expectations filled it is not something that is helpful for us to expect. Every individual is in control of themselves and we cannot change what they choose to do, regardless of how clear we make our expectations to them. When it comes to life choices, even if we think everyone should do a certain thing we cannot expect it from everyone. This not only harms others by expecting change but is also harms ourselves through lowering out trust and confidence in others. It is hard to release expectations of others and I myself am constantly working on it but it is very rewarding when you are able to accept others for who they are and their own abilities.

Sometimes we have to take control away from another individual to protect them. An easy example of this is taking away car keys from someone who has had too much to drink. There are however other times where it is not appropriate to take away someone’s control over their life. It can be challenging because different individuals need control in different areas of their life. When in doubt always ask permission rather than taking something from someone. You never know how it will affect them. A simple thing, such as a hug, can cause damage if done at the wrong time in the wrong place. Verbal permission is always best however we may not always be able to be clear to others what our needs are in a moment.

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